English transcript: From time to time, in the Deaf community, I have noticed some Deaf adults using children to settle scores or to take revenge against people. This is very distressing and a cause for concern. It is important to take a look at the issue of using children.

The concept of using children actually encompasses a wide spectrum of possible situations. At one end, there are situations that are harmless and cause no trauma to children. At the opposite end, there are truly awful and unhealthy situations that cause much harm and can damage children’s self-esteem.

Some of the adults that engage in these kinds of behaviors exhibit characteristics common to narcissists. Taking a closer look at narcissism, the personality traits, and the reasons for certain behaviors, can help us better understand how narcissists function.

To start, let me share an example of situation using children, which can be considered undamaging. A while ago, my family went on vacation to Russia, joining a Deaf tour group, led by a Deaf tour guide. One day when we were out sightseeing, some adults needed to use the bathroom or get a drink of water. They were hesitant to make their request to the tour guide, who they were sure would dismiss them with an impatient admonition to wait, seeing as they were adults after all. Desperate for a solution, they came up with the idea of asking my then-11-year old daughter if she minded telling the tour guide that she needed to use the bathroom or get a drink of water. My daughter, who didn’t need the bathroom or water, thought it was funny and readily obliged. The tour guide responded to her request with immediate understanding – and the whole group was happy and appreciative. In this harmless example of using children, it was clear my daughter enjoyed conspiring with her fellow sightseers and suffered no emotional damage at all.

At the other end of the spectrum, however, there are situations that can cause lasting damage to children. Consider, for example, a custody case in which the parents’ constant arguing ends up with them in the courtroom. The narcissistic father has one goal – to win custody – and he will do anything to win. Because he doesn’t have any empathy or sensitivity to his daughter’s feelings, he might go so far as to fabricate statements, right in front of his daughter. He might, for example, tell the court that his daughter had revealed to him that she didn’t care about or love her mother. In an effort to paint a terrible picture of his wife, he might even testify that she was unfit and abusive. Never mind the emotional turmoil his daughter must be experiencing, as witness to the lies about her mother. Or the distress she feels being stuck in the middle, unable to challenge her controlling father or defend her mother. All the father is concerned about is protecting his image as a good father and husband, no matter the cost. This type of situation is an extreme example of using children in harmful way.

How do we define narcissism, exactly? The DSM IV TR published by the American Psychiatric Association, lists criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), among other disorders, including depression, bipolar disorder, and ADHD. Rather then run through the entire list of criteria for NPD, I will give a brief overview of the most important characteristics.

Narcissism is characterized first and foremost by an inflated sense of self-importance or grandiosity. The narcissist’s image is so important that someone with NPD will over-exaggerate personal achievements and accomplishments in order to impress others. For example, one man with narcissistic traits boasted that out of 700 applicants to a prestigious and highly competitive graduate program, he was one of the few selected. The fact that he was Deaf made his accomplishment quite impressive. Not quite believing that 700 people would apply to this particular graduate program, however, I called the school to verify the number of applicants for recent admission. Interestingly, I learned that 70 people had applied recently. Even though being one of 70 selected is an admirable accomplishment itself, this narcissist found it necessary to tack on an extra zero to the admissions pool, in order to ramp up the impressiveness of his selection and boost his ego.

Not only is pathological lying prevalent among narcissists, so is the need for an approving audience. The attention and admiration from many people feeds the narcissist’s ego. If faced with the prospect of losing attention or approval, the narcissist often responds with rage and will do anything to get back this source of ego-boosting.

Another striking characteristic of narcissism is a lack of empathy, or an inability to understand and feel other people’s pain, such as the father in the courtroom who showed such insensitivity to his son’s emotional well-being. No matter how hard someone might try to enlighten the narcissist about the need for developing empathy, this is a next-to-impossible task because narcissists are primarily fixated on their own selves.

Very few narcissists seek therapy or help. Since they do not recognize that anything may be wrong or that they are hurting people, they rarely address their issues or behaviors. They are content with themselves. Typically, 50-75% of narcissists are men, and they are generally intelligent people. They may know how to show behaviors that appear empathic or socially appropriate, but they are acting with ulterior motives, and not with genuine feelings. Behind every action is a drive to satisfy their narcissistic needs.

Research has not pinpointed a clear cause of narcissism, but some indications suggest genetics may be a factor, as are abusive and neglectful experiences during childhood. Additionally, children who are overindulged or whose every need is gratified, may develop narcissistic qualities.

Protecting yourself or children from narcissists poses a challenge. Whenever possible, the best defense is to avoid narcissists. Unfortunately, this is not an option for everyone. The narcissist may be your spouse, family member, co-worker, or someone who is impossible to avoid. In these situations, it is often best to ignore the narcissist’s behaviors. Sometimes narcissists will be forced to confront their behaviors when faced with serious life issues or the possibility of losing too much. The more their behaviors are reinforced, the more they will continue their behaviors. When children are involved, it is important to explain to them about narcissism and let them know that the person’s behaviors are not their fault. Give them plenty of support and teach them to develop thick skin against the narcissist’s attacks. Counseling can be helpful when children deal with narcissistic family members on a daily basis. Last, but not least, community members can support each other in dealing with narcissistic people in the community.

Disclaimer: Please note that this video is not directed toward any particular individual or individuals. Any resemblance of the examples to persons in real life is purely coincidental.

To cite: McCullough, C. (2010). When Narcissists Use Children. ASC on the Couch. Retrieved (date retrieved), from http://www.ascdeaf.com/blog/?p=571

Workshops for Deaf People: For those of you in the Maryland/DC area, here is a flyer from the Jewish Social Service Agency (JSSA). Click on the image to make the flyer bigger.

ASL = English: ASC is pleased to see the trend of more Deaf professionals taking advantage of the internet and technology to formally present their ideas and research in ASL. Traditionally, even in environments proclaiming bilingualism, there has been a longstanding, often unspoken, message that English still reigns superior to ASL. Compare how readily academic articles published in English receive credibility and status, while lectures and videos delivered in ASL are frequently viewed as less serious or scholarly. Bilingualism may refer to two languages, but in many so-called bilingual Deaf educational institutions it has not always been the case that both are accorded equal respect.

Double Standard: What is one to make of the fact that at Gallaudet University last Friday, a hearing doctoral candidate presented a dissertation defense in spoken English rather than ASL? The student spoke to an audience that included Deaf students and professors, as well as hearing students who are planning on careers working with Deaf people. This reflects a lack of an institutional commitment to honoring ASL, something that should be a minimal expectation at the premier higher education institution for Deaf people. This concession to a hearing, English-speaking graduate student, whose choice to forgo presenting in ASL did little to convey a sense of respect and courtesy, is a sad commentary on the university’s double standard. What such concessions are ever made to Deaf students, who have no choice but to write their dissertations in English, a second language for many? Imagine the reaction if a Deaf student made a request to do a dissertation entirely in ASL! Hearing students can cite insufficient fluency or discomfort in using their second-language ASL in front of an audience, but Deaf students can never opt out of having to use their second-language English to meet their program requirements.

Academic ASL: Without a doubt, Deaf people have been proving that academic ideas, once erroneously believed to be “too complicated” or “too abstract” to be explained in ASL, can be presented perfectly well in ASL. Check out the late and widely-respected Dr. Larry Fleischer’s elegant ASL lecture for a shining example of one of the earliest academic ASL presentations. Take a look at the promising new online Deaf Studies Digital Journal for another example of ASL in academia. There are many more examples online. Please feel free to share your favorites here.

ASC would like to thank Raychelle Harris, who was one of the first people to reference and cite an ASC vlog in a published paper. We also appreciate the many people who have requested permission to show our vlogs for different workshops, classes, and conferences. This is the type of respect and acknowledgement that all ASL vlogs and videos deserve.

To cite: Duchesneau, S. (2009). ASL in Academia? ASC on the Couch. Retrieved (date retrieved), from http://www.ascdeaf.com/blog/?p=498.

As many of you already know, Deaf counselors are few and far between. The reason for this, in part, may be due to the fact that the national licensure exam for counselors is largely English-centric. Below, we are reprinting a letter from a Deaf lawyer, who is working to rectify the situation, and hopefully, enable more Deaf counselors to obtain their licenses. Kudos to Jonathan Whitby for his mission!

DEAF COUNSELORS AND THE LPC CREDENTIAL

Some Deaf people who obtain master’s degrees in counseling subsequently struggle to obtain the Licensed Professional Counselor (“LPC”) credential. (I say “some” Deaf people, but anecdotal evidence leads me to believe that “many” or even “most” would be more accurate.) Without that credential, their marketability as counselors is severely limited.

Although licensing requirements and procedures vary somewhat among states, many require that applicants pass the National Counselor Examination (“NCE”), which is administered by the National Board of Certified Counselors (“NBCC”). The NCE, like many standardized examinations, is more about test-taking abilities and English language fluency than about the subject matter it purports to test. It is not unusual for Deaf individuals with a high level of counseling knowledge and skill to fail the NCE repeatedly, become discouraged, and give up.

Deaf counselors seeking the LPC credential might have a fighting chance if the NCE were available in American Sign Language (“ASL”), i.e. through an interpreter. However, I am personally aware of multiple cases where the Deaf individual has asked NBCC to provide an interpreter for the NCE, and that request has been denied. I am presently unaware of any instance where NBCC allowed the examination to be interpreted. (It appears that NBCC’s policy is to provide interpreters for the directions prior to the examination, but not for the examination itself.) This is puzzling and frustrating, especially given that the Association of Social Work Boards (“ASWB”) is known to provide ASL interpreters for its examination, which is used by most states to license social workers.

If you are a Deaf person with a master’s degree in counseling and have struggled to pass the NCE, I am interested in hearing from you. Please email me at whitbylaw@gmail.com.

Jonathan R. Whitby
www.whitbylaw.net

As many of you already know, ASC is a strong advocate of Deaf researchers. Here’s an opportunity to participate a Deaf-run study for those who meet the criteria. Please feel free to pass on the information to anyone you know who may be interested.

Seeking Deaf FTM Individuals

My name is Mel Whalen. I’m a Deaf graduate student in clinical psychology, writing my dissertation on the life experiences of Deaf adults who self-identify as female-to-male (FTM) transgender individuals. Anyone who identifies as both Deaf and FTM is eligible for inclusion in the study. I will pay participants for their time, as well. I will be doing interviews through videophone for those that use ASL, or via VRS for anyone wishing to utilize spoken English. If you or anyone you know would be interested in getting involved, please email me at : emupsychclinic@gmail.com. The interviews will be completely confidential and can be done under a pen name. Results will be used to help society better understand this unique community.

Thank you for your time!

Sincerely,

Mel Whalen, M.A., M.S., TLLP
Clinical Psychology Doctoral Fellow
Eastern Michigan University Psychology Clinic
611 W. Cross Street
Ypsilanti, MI 48198

Email:emupsychclinic@gmail.com